You probably didn't know, but perhaps can guess, that the past month was the most stressful period of my life. When it happened, all I wanted to do was bury myself in the abyss of self-deprecation. When I managed to crawl out of it, I was kept very busy with reading all your emails, messages, comments - which I am eternally grateful for, among many other things. Then things developed to the stage where Uncle Teo told Sam it was Sam's own fault. How Sam will end up, we shall see soon.
Having to juggle my own emotions, staying positive and all; document the journey of my skin condition; meet important people; take care of Doll To Doll Cosmetics; dance; blog to keep everyone concerned updated about my progress (mind you, those posts were extremely time-consuming), and blog for the Singapore Blog Awards competition, I cannot remember the last time I had some me-time.
I felt like I lost myself.
For the past week especially, I was getting impatient, couldn't sleep well, and got irritated at the slightest things.
I was living life on a tightrope + I needed a time-out + I was required to blog a last post for the Blog Awards.
What better way to do all the above than a trip to the beach? I've been meaning to go to the beach for the longest time but couldn't find time to. Sometimes deadlines just push you to your creative limits and because of that, the most magical things happen.
Sometimes. Like this time.
TO THE BEACH THEN! 😀
All set and ready to go!
I'm sorry that the first picture I'm showing you of my little trip to the park is that of a drain.
I have a phobia of drains, or any gap that requires me to jump across, like even a puddle of water.
You see, firstly, I have short legs. HAHAHA!!! I stand proud at 1.55m. (Sometimes the machines cheat on me, they say I'm only 1.53m. Pffft!! Must be due to technical error.)
Secondly, my mum was the one who instilled this phobia in me. When I was 5 years old, my mum fetched me home from my kindergarten in a cab. We alighted from the cab and she told me to 'say bye bye to uncle'. So I did. Mum walked ahead.
"Bye bye uncle!!" *waves enthusiastically
The next thing I knew, I was standing in a drain.
Mummy said I didn't even shout or scream. When she turned around to hold my hand, I had vanished into thin air. Then she backtracked and found this kid standing in the drain looking at her with big eyes that spoke of shock and bewilderment.
Then you know what my mother did?
She laughed at me!!! SHE LAUGHED AND SHE LAUGHED AND SHE LAUGHED.
She did pull me out of the drain in between fits of uncontrollable laughter but I was devastated. My legs were all bloody and they hurt so much. I thought I had the most evil mother. Lol.
They probably were just minor scratches with very little blood, but it was the most horrible fall of my life because she repeated this story throughout my growing up years, even now. Actually I also think I must have looked hilariously ridiculous. Next time maybe I will do that to my daughter too. LOL. Kidding. Not. Maybe.
I had a choice to make - to walk to the other end of the drain where there's a path to the park or just jump across.
And as you can see this image taken from the other side of the drain, I took the leap of faith.
HAHAHA. This must sound really odd to all of you coz you must have jumped across countless drains in your lives. But I'm scarred for life, from the age of 5!!
The night before my excursion, I'd been tremendously excited thinking about the 'rides' I'd go on at Pasir Ris Park. Pasir Risk Park holds many precious memories for me. My parents used to bring us here for picnics, I had school trips here, countless BBQ sessions were held here with friends, I cycled with different groups of people here, and Mr Mode and I used to come here quite often to date.
The top two 'rides' I wanted to go on were the Spider Web and the Flying Fox.
When I was greeted with this basketball court...
... this was my expression. WHERE IS MY SPIDER WEBBBBB!?!?!
Tsk. I even brought my tripod to take pictures of myself climbing it, you know.
With heavy footsteps, I walked closer and to my surprise, I saw it!!! Can anyone tell me if they moved it? Coz I'm pretty sure it wasn't at this spot before. @[email protected]"
It was empty! ALL MINEEE!!!! MUAHAHA!!!
Some kids cycled by and went on the Spider Web for a while. No, I didn't chase them away.
Then it was time to make my ascent. TARGET = Middle hexagon.
I removed my mask, reckoned I would be able to breathe better without it.
I didn't intentionally show you my ass. I just happened to only have time to turn my head and not my whole body. HAHA.
2nd try. Getting closer to the middle hexagon.
5th try. Closer. I kept thinking I was already at the middle, but I was clearly far off. Lol.
9th try. Ran too slowly this time! Backtracked. BAH.
12th try. Almost!!!
This was when I knew I couldn't make it in time so I ran back to press the shutter again and then the red dot started blinking so I thought I might as well look happy running back.
Mission accomplished! Okie, I didn't really get to the middle of the middle hexagon but at least half of my body got in. In all I must have made 15 trips.
I cannot stop laughing now while writing this post and looking at these pictures. I was running back and forth, climbing up and down, like a mad woman, AND LAUGHING TO MYSELF THE WHOLE TIME.
It was extremely tiring to hoist my body up with my short arms and legs, and I was sweating buckets but I had so much fun! Somehow I couldn't climb from the other side of the web; I had to go up from the right side.
Then I brought my camera up the Spider Web with me. It was so hard to climb with a camera in hand and very sweaty palms!
I'm fine with getting scratches here and there. I have no problems climbing. Just no drains, please.
HERE YOU GO,
MY FULL FACE,
FOR THE FIRST TIME,
IN A LONG WHILE...
It's not that I feel my skin is getting so much better that I feel it's alright to show you guys, or that I feel obligated because of the pressure from some bull-fighting tournament spectators.
But that I'm at peace with myself, beginning to accept that my skin may never be the same again. That the scars may live with me forever to remind me of this chapter in my life. That I have so much more things to live for, to be happy for. That with technology, I have hope that I may one day find proper treatments to make my skin better.
Physical flaws and all, I'm still me. Perhaps even a stronger me.
And I shall be happy while I can. 😀
This teenage girl (maybe 13?) attempted to climb the Spider Web, with her parents and brother encouraging her.
Girl: I'm scared! How to climb??
Brother: Just climb! You hold this! Now, grab that rope. Okie, now you squat down...
Girl: Mum!!! I'm scared! How to do this! What do I do??
Mother: You will have to think of a way yourself. Sometimes in life you have to find your own path.
LOL! Didn't expect to hear this while I was high up on the Spider Web myself. This girl, at her 13 years of life, wouldn't understand the meaning behind her mother's wise words (I wouldn't if I were 13 myself), but I, having gone through so much recently, found myself smiling and felt a wave of gratitude rush through me.
Because I've been blessed to not have to walk this journey alone, to have found strength to carry on, and to have realized new meanings and different perspectives in life.
It's really up to you to make the climb, take the leap of faith, and believe that you have the ability to take on what life throws at you.
The scars are more on the sides and jawline so you can't really see them from this well-angled frontal shot. Oh and I had awesome sunlight. 😀
I wore my mask when I didn't have to be in the picture, to protect my now very thin and vulnerable skin from UV rays.
(Thank you Weng from Salon Vim for my awesomely colored hair! I LOVE IT! It's a little messy though, from all that running and climbing.)
I couldn't find the Flying Fox and was disappointed that the park was under renovation.
I am my own kid.
This elderly couple found my running around and posing very interesting and were giggling between themselves. You know, even though I could have easily asked passersby to help with taking my very tedious shots, I was adamant about taking all by myself. Today was about spending me-time. And I wanted to only interact with me.
These colorful, artsy things are so different from our playgrounds of yesteryears.
I remember our maze was made of wooden rectangle blocks and was really confusing. I miss the wooden maze. Do you?
At least the swings of today are safer and cleaner. I remember in those days our swings were made of smelly, rubber tyres. Some were made of wooden planks too. But oh-so-fun, nonetheless! =D
(I threw away the green bottle lying there. I don't understand why people just cannot take their trash with them. Leave behind nothing but footsteps - too profound?? Sheesh!)
I tried to take a shot of me high up in the air going 'wheeee!!!' with a look of jubilation. But these were all I could manage.
Realizing that I wasn't getting any better after 10 tries, I gave up. HAHAHA!
This little girl asked no one in particular "Can somebody push me, please?". She was so cute and polite so I pushed her. I like well-mannered kids. =) This was the only human interaction I had at the park. Haha.
Pasir Ris Park's toilet. The toilets, when I was younger, were always dark and smelly and wet and dirty. Now they look like villas. Great job, National Parks! =)
So clean and bright inside.
OOTD. A blogger's gotta do what a blogger's gotta do. *thumps right fist into left palm
Then it was time to hit the beach!
Love this. One-shot kill.
I used to make sandcastles of this sort. Mine had leaves and more twigs though. And I always had a moat, and higher fort.
I wanted to set up my picnic near these kids coz I love to watch kids play, but their father was watching me like a hawk, as though I was an anaconda waiting for a chance to pounce on his babies. Or I just looked very interesting. Or he was very bored looking at his kids.
My $2 picnic mat from Daiso. Score.
Let's play 'What's Inside My Bag'!
- Timberland backpack
- Socks in case my legs got cold. LOL.
- Shiseido Sunscreen for my arms and legs
- Panasonic Eyelash Curler
- Cow makeshift wallet
- Portable iPhone charger in pig pouch
- Water bottke
- Wet tissue
- Orange Mode <3
Out of frame.
After too many accidentally indecent poses inappropriate for publication:
The Orange plush toy represents Mr Mode. The heart he/it is holding is his heart to me, or it's me. TEE-HEE-HEE.
Mr Mode was at work, and even if he were free to accompany me, I wanted to be by myself. I was out on a date with a special someone - MYSELF. 🙂 Now you know the reason for the title of this post. Heh.
Juli Bun Bun had a farm - eeyai-eeyai-oh~!!
Looking into the horizon,
enjoying the cool sea breeze,
listening to classical music,
sorting out my thoughts.
I was happy. Contented.
I laid there, by myself, with myself, for about 2 hours before it got really late and was too dangerous to linger.
I'm so glad I finally managed to squeeze time out to do this. I really needed it - mentally, physically, emotionally. I haven't really rested ever since news broke out worldwide about my facial experience.
Thank you all for staying with me. I'm going for a review at Dr Joyce's tomorrow. I'll update you guys on my progress, as always.
The Singapore Blog Awards ceremony takes places next Saturday. Honestly, I'm a little sad I'm not looking my best for SBA 2013. I'd waited one whole year for it to come along again and was excited to take part. I promised myself in 2012 (I didn't know about SBA then) that I'd take part in 2013. Uncle Teo caused Sam to have an obvious disadvantage in Sam's competition. 🙁
But I know I've accomplished, with what I have, everything to my best abilities, despite pessimists doubting me (myself included, at times).
Whatever the outcome for Best Beauty Blog, please know that I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your vote(s). I'm really touched when you guys tell me that I am already (for existing readers) or am now (for new readers) your favorite beauty blogger.
(Am not trying to seduce you with my fallen top strap, I swear.)
Traumatic Facial Experience Series: